Athletic Identity Beyond Sports
Don’t let the ego distract from who you really are.
In conversations with dozens of current and former athletes who spoke to me about leaving the game and starting life without playing sports full-time, there were a number of themes that emerged. You can find the gist of these on my Services page. My hope with each of the next few posts is to give a little more depth to what each of these themes may mean to you as athletes and share some reflection questions to uncover what may be just under the surface.
No shying away from this one. Let’s talk about the ego.
We all have one. Some bigger than others, but we all have this little voice inside of us that may nudge us to make decisions based on societal norms, family dynamics or a standard of ‘should’ that we feel is necessary to live up to. Our identities develop and evolve over time as we have more lived experiences and absorb more external influences. And as we age we don’t necessarily let go of past versions of what we should do in this life. So long story short - the ego can be a real pain in the ass.
In talking with athletes, I’ve noticed a few things about identity and the importance of sport in their lives. Most elite athletes have been playing their sport since they were very young - 5-10 years old typically. And athletic transitions can begin in their mid-late 20’s for most women. So for 15 years or so, folks have identified as an athlete first. With the intensity of any elite performer, there’s a level of dedication to this work that engulfs how you spend your time. With nutrition, training, competing, recovering, studying film, understanding trends of the sport, sleeping, NIL deals -- it’s hard to imagine untying your identity from the game. This is where the ego comes in. When there’s a taste of victory, success, money, fame, adrenaline - you name it - a bond begins to form in your mind that your body <> sport can provide this sense of purpose or value.
As athletes begin to go through tough transitions like long-term injury recovery, accepting a new role off the bench or considering retiring from sports altogether, it’s vital to begin understanding the different aspects of identity and purpose outside of sports. A Psychology of Sport and Exercise article found that it’s not uncommon for athletes to experience identity confusion as long as 5-years post-retirement. Thus acknowledging and coping with the transition away from sports should begin long before its imminence to protect and prepare the athlete for living a fulfilling life.
So how can we begin separating who you are from what you do? One helpful exercise is to think about what you value and how those things show up in your life.
Here are a few reflection questions to get things started…
Name a few spaces or communities that allow you to feel psychologically safe to bring your full self to the room. What does that look like, feel and mean to you? How often are you in those spaces?
Make a list of activities that allow you to feel present, restored, joyful or a sense of ease. What’s on the list? How diverse are the activities?
Reflect on the last time you felt a sense of pride in a decision, situation or accomplishment you experienced. Where do you feel pride in your body? How often is this feeling surfacing?
Jot down some recent moments where you’ve felt challenged by a situation. What was your response? How did you grow from this experience? How does this challenge feel similar or different to a challenge from a younger version of yourself?
Acknowledging the different parts of our identity today and the weight each piece carries is just the beginning. Dreaming up new versions of yourself and working to re-balance the pieces can help to build the life you want. Lastly, the pace and staying power at which we change over time requires practice and patience just like anything else.
Sending big love!
—A
